The Revel Girl

First of all, I'm sorry but I forgot who took this photo that I couldn't give a credit :(

I can't believe that August 1 just passed so fast. We have so many goals and things that we wanna accomplish the first day of this month... But time is not enough.

August 1, 2016- Dom woke me up at 8am and this was my/our schedule:

1. Check facebook, duh, of course, just like anyone does. Haha!
2. Early decision making
3. Check emails
4. Follow up queries to partners and update colleagues for future agendas.
5. Employee Training
6. Bought a new laptop for the office and some magazines(SM Valenzuela)
7. Lunch
8. Restocked ingredients for products(Fairview)
9. I'm doing quotations, answering calls and checking bank accounts and payment while on the road. Making the most out of traffic...
10. House Viewing(Las Piñas)
11. We cleaned the house and prepared dinner when we got home.
12. Dinner..
13. Drank some wine and beer with partner.
14. Poop Time(Free Time), update some friends, report to my writing mentor that I met in New York. Took a shower, then
15. here I am, in bed, doing one thing that I really wanted to do for myself. To Write.

I wish I have all the time in the world that are being misused by some people. I couldn't even find a time for myself to read a book. Or to say hi and catch up with a friend. No time to play with the dogs as well :( haay :(

P.S. Dom's schedule and business is different but I didn't bother to write here because that's his business and not mine for me to write and share.

So, one of my supposedly goals today is to start my plan to start my blog again but with discipline. I love to write. That is my passion. And I don't wanna give up my passion because of the things that I am fully occupied to do.  I always say that "I will blog again", "I will write a book"... I'll start but it's never consistent.

In every problem, there is always a solution, and one idea that hits me for me to do this consistently is to have a new blog, named blank(it's a surprise until I launch it. If you don't mind, help me choose a new title). So, on this blog, I'll have my first blog series which I will call, "1 Story A Day" with a supporting hashtag #1StoryADay :)

This photo will be entitled,

"THE REVEL GIRL"

I want to start this blog series with this picture. I don't want to start the blog with all of my goals accomplished, places that I've been, struggles that I had... But I wanted to start this on who I was before. I chose this photo because this photo has a lot of stories to tell. When I saw this again while I was browsing my private albums, I was hesitant to look at this like I felt "yuck" on myself. I even didn't saved it because I even cannot look at it. Until today that I decided to embrace my past and to forgive myself and allow me to express what I really feel and who really am I.

On the outside, I am completely a different person on this photo. The smoker trish. The party girl trish, the scene of the night, yea believe it or not I won a booty shaking contest at Jaipur Club (besides Embassy, later on called Encore) because of too much alcohol in my body that I didn't know what I'm doing- that I'm dancing shamelessly on stage. Haha! Well, that's another one heck of a story to tell so I wouldn't regret doing it. And hell, I've been called "Princess of the Night" that night(I'm still demure and virgin that time I guess haha).. Hmm.. Yah, I was  the badass trish. The bitch. The warfreak like I've experience going to classrooms and looking for someone and confront them and make a scene at the corridor. Hahaha! I've become "The Social Media shamer(or basher?)"; yah, I started shaming people using my blog, even before "buttt shaming" started on Facebook. I've published a lot of articles about my haters before because I know that I was powerful that time, I am known and popular in disco clubs and at the same time I am influencing some readers and friends and that I could get their sympathy. I know how my words are powerful and yes I admit that I've said a lot of bad things and that I've been using my capacity to write a powerful piece, for a revenge. Ive been a bitch, yeah, like all of my haters are telling me. I cannot cover it anymore, it's already one of my bad images that I don't want to hide because it was part of my story. Well, I am a bitch when we talk about attitude, even until now. But I am confident enough that I never became a literal bitch whom you will pay for to go to bed. I admit I had sex with several guys but they are all clean and I'm telling you, I never had a sex without real feelings. And damn, all of them loved me, admired me, and wanted me, and got obsessed with me for real. I believe that one of the techniques to get into a man's heart is to become a goddess in bed. And bitch, I am a goddess in bed. Hahaha! Lol. :)) Ooppss.. I think my blog will take it to the next level, it's now "for adults only!".. Who knows, I could write the next fifty-shades-of-grey kind of novel. Hehe..
Anyway, I know that there's something in me, maybe my life story? Or my voice, or my sweetness that made them love me easily. And yea right, I loved everyone of them for real and they all had a big part in my life. I've shared all of them a great story of my life. Emotions and spirits were once connected. Love was once bloomed. And it was never a lie. Because I love truly madly and deeply. I can love a person more than my life. But we all have different stories to tell. And this is mine. I became a heart breaker. I became a relationship breaker. Like how many guys who got hooked to me while they are saying that they are not with their girlfriends anymore, or they are single, then later on there are these girls who will get mad at me even if I have no idea that they exist haha! But days or weeks after, you'll hear that they literally broke up and the guys wanted to sincerely be with me that they could leave their, let's say, 3 or 6 years long time girlfriends behind, just for me? Yah, believe it or not. Some of my friends could attest to that and yeah, sure, a lot of haters could attest to that. Well idk. Honestly, I didn't control that part of my life. I was sooo ugly before, when I was a kid or when I was in grade school. I never had a crush who has a crush on me. I always imagine every night before I sleep that 2 guys are holding my hands and having a tug-of-war of me. Sooner or later in my life, it happened, and not only once. But with different guys fighting over me like the one you can see on television. I can still remember the days where it seems like I play with them but I never mean it but that's how I can easily describe so I can easily make you imagine it. I've experienced running and punching of 2 men fighting in front of me just for me... The Exchange of man to man conversation on who will win over me and even fight for me by playing basketball.
I've experienced many man to man scenes just to have me or to protect me. Damn, angsarap sabihin ng mga oras na yun, angganda ko! Haha. But the story will not just end there. There's a lot... A part of the story on why do they fight for me and why I was allowing it to happen? I were the girl, who can get any man that I wanted. Like any man. I dreamed of a basketball player boyfriend before, I had it more than what I've asked for. Because I just didn't had one, but I even busted several. One man even became my real boyfriend and loved me like no other, than his chicks before we became official. He's popular and I think their team is a champion at Philippine Basketball League now... Haha blind item. Hmm, I've dated several models, like reaaal hottie models. A student pilot. A dancer, a gymnast, a successful businessman, to the point that I wanted a simple man. And to the point that I wanted a girl and thought that I was lesbian that I even experienced publicly french kissing a Russian girl with big tits in a club at Boracay. And guess what? Again, believe it or not, I NEVER FIND THEM. THEY FOUND ME. And I never had any control of it. It was destined. It just happened. It was never planned. Damn. It was a crazy crazy part and chapter in my life. But remember, what I've told you is about the "outside"... There's more to reveal, about the "inside"... Hehe... Maybe you won't understand it right now, neither do I. But I believe as long as I continue to write and express my feelings, then we will find the answer.

Since I went to the USA, Visited different schools in Boston Cambridge, had training inside the Harvard Innovation Lab or iLab which I was just reading about before, Experienced New York, catch the greatest new challenges in my life and new black swan events to accept, and becoming a member of hive.org, my life got twisted ups and downs but it had a more colorful direction. I was broken hearted; Emotionally, physically and mentally. I was lost. I was breaking apart. But I found my life purpose. At first, I thought that I already knew my purpose and I know what I am doing in my life already. But nah, it was hard. It was hard to distinguish that little sentence that you will answer to the question "Why do you think you are alive right now?"... It wasn't a hard question for me, honestly. Because I have sooooo many reasons to live and why I think I live. The challenge for me was, how will I summarize it or make it specific. It was an effective way for me to have focus on my scattered life with scattered businesses, scattered educations, scattered goals and dreams and schedules and and everything. Even scattered people whom you don't know who to trust, who are real to you and who are not. Or should I just say, scattered fake people around.

Getting back to the topic (Oh excuse me I'm talkative, I have so many stories to tell haha), Before we ended up the training program at Hive, all of us had this very short speech telling what is our life purpose. And this is mine...

"My life purpose to inspire the people in the world, through my life story. I am Trishie Dela Cruz, and I am the Brave Dreamer"

My life is not a walk in the park... I was left when I was 4years old. I grew up with different nannies who hurt me during my days before turning 4...  My mom got her Parkinson's Disease when I was in her tummy. Our house got burned when I was 7... Haven't seen my mom for 18years, I started to live independently when I was 14 years old when my sister left us too.. I've experienced eating my own vomit, experienced being shooed away. I didn't have a family to guide me during my growing up stage. I struggled a lot for money just to pursue my college education... I've been molested. I've been betrayed. I've been broken for sooo many times. I've been judged. I've been poor as rat. I've been embarrassed for so many times... I've been pleasing the wrong people almost all of my life... I've been taken for granted for so many times.. I always wanted to become someone's "favorite". I always wanted to have food in the table when I wake up so that I'll experience not thinking of what food to eat or how will I eat. I always wanted to get sick so that someone will take care of me and so that I could experience how being taken care off, feels. I always wanted to be appreciated by the most important people that matters. It's never easy... And all of the tragic in life that I had has made me to become the strongest person that I know now. And I have a lot of stories to tell and lessons to share...

Time Check: 4:27am I think I've already written enough tonight and I have to sleep... Oh, it feels so good.. It makes me feel alive... How about you? What makes you feel alive? Writing makes me feel alive...

If you reach this part, help me start a blog again... If you could give me an idea on what title I should put in my new blog and what part of my life story that you are interested to hear and learn, please let me know :)

I am in a state of life where I feel like the world hates me and I feel so challenged and sooo tired and starting to lose hope to fight. It feels so hard for me to accept that the people who should be there to support and understand you, is not there anymore. It feels so hard knowing that the ones you thought your real friends, are your enemies. It's so hard to have multiple responsibilities while thinking to live. And sooo many things that bothers me. Sometimes I feel like giving up... But I know, there are still those few who are still with me and who believes in me... And that few, will be my solid foundation to the dreams that we will put into reality.

I am a star full of energy. An exploding energy.. A heart that is on fire, and a mind that is full of pixie dust.. And I am inviting you, to walk with me again, while we change the world into a better place...

This writing is me. The real me. This is me. This is my soul...