September 1, 2017




"What is love?" something that you answer in one of your friend's autograph/slam book when you were grade school. Could you still remember your favorite answer to that question? Mine was "Love is like an onion that makes you cry". Hahaha! Well, that's me a decade ago I think? Now, my understanding of love has grown as far as my too many relationship experiences. In every relationship, there are million things to learn. When I was younger, I look at love the same thing as a couple relationship. But love and relationship is a very much different aspect as well as feelings and love. 


Relationship is a commitment. Feelings is a desire, a strong emotion. You can always choose to feel in love at any moment to someone. It's easy. I will just think of all the beautiful memories and good things about the person I love, or used to love, then I could feel that state of feeling in love easily. But what's not easy, is the commitment. And committing in a relationship means accepting the person you love over and over again despite of all the hardships and battles that you will  go through together. Because in a relationship, you promise to commit yourselves to each other. It is a responsibility. It is a duty. A duty as a partner. It's a business that you have to manage wisely. Commitment is not about who is right and who is wrong. It is about accepting change to become a better person, and become a better partner. It is not about -you're the guy, then you should have more money- and - you're the lady, then you should be the one to cook and clean the house. No, commitment doesn't work like that. Commitment doesn't have description of what should be and what should not. It doesn't matter who is who or which is which. It's a matter of committing to help each other to overcome problems. It's a matter of committing to become the strength of your partner's weakness and vice versa. Commitment is accepting whatever flaws and negativity of your partner because well, you committed yourself to him/her. Commitment is having the guts to compromise, give without asking for any return, understand, and sacrifice just for your relationship to work till the end. 

I told you that we could control our feelings. But there is "FATE". And through fate, you have the ability of feeling something that you can't control. Fate is a big factor in loving and having a strong feelings and desires for someone. It is something that you don't expect or choose to happen. It's a co-incidence. You do not plan or expect to bump someone once special to you at the school's gate at 3pm, right? That's fate. If you get pregnant without planning it, that's fate. You didn't choose the people you're with when you rode the elevator awhile ago, right? That's fate. Fate is a happening that you cannot control that will result to uncontrolled feelings.  Imagine that you're with that person you just bumped in school at 3pm, in the middle of the road in the middle of the night, having deep conversation with a romantic music on the background. You really just want to be with that person, you want to be closer to that person, you want the time to stop, you don't want the night to end. That's a feeling that you didn't control. An intense feeling. An intense desire. Maybe, infatuation? Infatuation, a strongest feelings on earth.  

But what if, you have feelings for someone... Let's say, you're really infatuated to someone, but that someone is not the one you're in a relationship with or committed with? What is love then?

Love is destiny. But don't misinterpret feelings between love, and destiny between fate. Destiny, is the result that you want after fate. Destiny= Destination. Your destination after choosing what road to pass. Love, is what road you choose. Love is a combination of feelings and commitment. If you choose to end your feelings to that someone you bump in school at 3pm so you can give all your feelings to the person you're in a relationship with, whole heartedly, then that's love and your destiny is for that person, not for the other person. Or, you can choose the other person instead? It is love and your destiny because you made a choice. Love is a choice. Not just a choice but a hard decision. Just like the decision to give up and sacrifice the strong desire and feelings for that guy you bump at 3pm for the love and commitment to your relationship. The same as choosing to commit to someone by giving up the chance to have strong feelings and desire to other someone that fate could bring you-  if you're single and entering a relationship.

Love is a feeling that you choose. You can choose when to love, what to love, and what not to love. You can choose to love what you have right now and you can even choose to love someone that you don't love or doesn't love you back. You can always  control what you feel. but Fate gives you uncontrolled feelings. And fate is not always in perfect timing. So you have to choose carefully and decide what you feel. Loving someone is a choice of whom you're going to invest your feelings and desires and give your commitment. But don't worry, love is a choice that you could never go wrong. There's no such thing as being wrong because of choosing someone. There's no wrong choice in love. Choices just have different results. And once you're there, or once you've already chosen someone, there's no turning back- turning back  means losing the love. Feelings will always fade. No matter who or what the person is. Wether new person or old person in your life, your feelings for someone will always fade, eventually. But love doesn't. Love doesn't fade. It just get covered with flaws and mistakes; it's the feelings that actually fade, not the love.  Love is just always there, it's just a matter of choosing to fight for it or not. And if you want a "Forever" then you always fight for that love whatever circumstances could happen or wherever fate could bring you. You fight for that love even if it means a lot of sacrifices and change. Love, is always fighting for that choice you once made. Fighting for that strong desire and feelings for the person that you once felt. Love is keeping that feelings and desires burning. Love is fighting. If you surrender fighting for that love, then love is lost. 

So if someone left you without fighting, or if you have a strong feelings and desire for someone but that someone can't choose to have label or commit to you, then don't worry and don't get stuck because that's not love. Love is a commitment. duhh? Or I could just say, it's an immature love. People don't fight for an immature love.  People fight, for a matured love. And one day, all of us will understand that and find that matured love that we all deserve. And when you find it, Always remember this: there's always a devil who always want to cut relationships. A devil who's always laughing and celebrating whenever there's a couple fighting. A devil that throws temptations, strong feelings for someone, big challenges, many sacrifices and anything that could ruin your relationship with someone. But if you read this far, and whenever your relationship, or your future relationship is undergoing hardships, remind your partner about that devil. And that you will not let the devil overpower your love for each other. Many relationships lose because they(or one of them) stopped fighting for love. They let the devil win over love. Don't lose your relationship because you let devil cut that strong force called LOVE. 

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